I have never been to the doctors because I didn't know I had a problem.

I could never understand why all of a sudden I decided to pull at my
eyelashes, and my eyebrows?

Over time I still continued; at 13 I felt like a freak. It started to become noticeable, and people would always ask me, "Why don't you have any eyelashes?" I would think of all the most sensible lies, but I still never really knew.

When I was 17, I worked at a hair salon, so it was less frequent, because my boss would be on to me. A young girl came in to the salon, around 13, and they were applying Acrylic Nails on her. I thought, "wow shes young to be getting this done".

I asked her mother why we were putting nails on her, and her mother began to tell ,
me that her doctor recomended it, because she has Trichotillomania, and it
will keep her from getting a grasp on the hair. I remember thinking, "ya right, if she's determined, she will still get it out." but instead I said "Whats that?" and the mother began to explain, little knowing that she had unwittingly answered my long-awaited question.

I said to myself, "This is what I have. I'm not the only one".

Over time I would force myself not to do it, and I would get this stress knot in my chest, from not doing this. I felt that if I just pulled one it would relieve all the tension. "Just One Hair!", my brain would beg.

I have understood myself and have done a lot of reading up on this, but still I don't tell anyone and I disguise it with make up. Thank god for eyebrow pencils, and the fad for penciling them. No one even knows, because I have been doing it so long and I get them perfect; I actually get compliments.

After all these years, I have been better about it, and relapse from time to time, I never could grow the eyebrows back because when I see stubble, I go crazy.

I battled this secretly for years and at 21, I can find a way of my own to control it unless I'm very highly stessed!

Kristina