Now understands herself
I have never been to the doctors because I didn’t know I had a problem.
I could never understand why all of a sudden I decided to pull at my eyelashes, and my eyebrows?
Over time I still continued; at 13 I felt like a freak. It started to become noticeable, and people would always ask me, “Why don’t you have any eyelashes?” I would think of all the most sensible lies, but I still never really knew.
When I was 17, I worked at a hair salon, so it was less frequent, because my boss would be on to me. A young girl came in to the salon, around 13, and they were applying Acrylic Nails on her. I thought, “wow shes young to be getting this done”.
I asked her mother why we were putting nails on her, and her mother began to tell me that her doctor recomended it, because she has Trichotillomania, and it will keep her from getting a grasp on the hair. I remember thinking, “ya right, if she’s determined, she will still get it out.” but instead I said “Whats that?” and the mother began to explain, little knowing that she had unwittingly answered my long-awaited question.
I said to myself, “This is what I have. I’m not the only one”.
Over time I would force myself not to do it, and I would get this stress knot in my chest, from not doing this. I felt that if I just pulled one it would relieve all the tension. “Just One Hair!”, my brain would beg.
I have understood myself and have done a lot of reading up on this, but still I don’t tell anyone and I disguise it with make up. Thank god for eyebrow pencils, and the fad for penciling them. No one even knows, because I have been doing it so long and I get them perfect; I actually get compliments.
After all these years, I have been better about it, and relapse from time to time, I never could grow the eyebrows back because when I see stubble, I go crazy.
I battled this secretly for years and at 21, I can find a way of my own to control it unless I’m very highly stessed!