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Is still searching for pull-freedom

I first starting pulling my eyelashes out when I was about 5 or 6.

I haven’t a clue what triggered if off and have even had hypnotherapy to try and find out the cause. I have a distant memory of cutting my dolls’ eyelashes off so I think it must’ve stemmed from something.

I remember having lots of styes when I was a child. I must have looked like such a state at school as I always had bruised shiny eyes. I could kick myself when I think back now as I’ve got big brown eyes and I had beautiful lashes.

As the years went on I used to roll the ends of my head hair into knots and pull them out, which progressed onto pubic hair when I was about 12, which I have never told anyone about.

In my teens I started to pull out my eyebrows. I am now one week away from being 26 and my life has been ruled by this stupid habit! I have tried every new year to give up. Half the time, I don’t think I even know I’m doing it. It’s such a ritual. I feel the lashes and if one feels out of place (??) I yank!

My eyelashes are now very thin and if I wear no eyeliner, I look absolutely repulsive. I have to blend some eyebrow pencil into my brows to fill the gaps. My mum also suffers and has done for a number of years. She says that years ago she used to pull out the hairs on her arms but now it’s the hair on her head. She hates herself for it and is forever complaining about it. I know how she feels but how can we stop? I think I’ve tried everything.

Doctors are never interested. I remember going to one when I was 15 and practically breaking down in front of her. My mum was with me and we both pleaded with her for help. She took one look at me, looked at my scalp, said it was dry and that the fact that dandruff might be falling onto my lashes, making them itch so I pulled them out! She prescribed me a medicated shampoo and I promptly threw the prescription in the bin when I walked out.

It feels like such a relief to hear that I’m not mad like people make me out to be or weird or anything like that. But, help! Am are forced to live like this for the rest of my life. The guilt is drawing me down.

Anyway, thanks for reading as I know I’ve waffled on a bit. It’s just that this has always ruled my life.


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